Showing posts with label Cards. Show all posts
Friday, November 10, 2017
Sex, Lies and the Three of Swords
Look, I'm not a generally hopeful person. I am a realist, practical and grounded, most of the time. It's not hard for me to lose hope, I do it all the time. I am rarely disappointed because my expectations are low. I take life at face value and see things and people for what they are, not what I hoped they would be. This time, though, I've reached a level of hopelessness that I haven't felt in a very long time. I have spent many months in a state of "What is the point?"
I don't have an existential answer to that.
But what is happening now, across the country, in full view of everyone, is tempting me to hope. It is at least a Three of Swords if not a Tower. I don't feel it's a Tower, really, but a Three of Swords, definitely. Harsh truth, blindfolds removed, facing what is true and real. Men and women are publicly speaking out against those who have sexually harassed, assaulted, and harmed them and --here's the best part-- we are LISTENING. Well, many of us are.
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| Robin Wood Tarot |
So many women, especially, are feeling triggered. #MeToo. Who knew so many of us have various shades of PTSD just from living our lives in this very bent society that treats us like morsels for male entertainment. Personally, I'm freaking out internally on a daily basis hearing about men creeping on underage girls. My first marriage was to a man who, among other abusive crimes, persistently preyed on adolescent girls, including me at 17 when he was 32. He was arrested on sexual assault of teenage girls several times during our brief marriage and I don't know how many times since. My second husband, a man in his fifties, just married a young Russian woman he groomed at 18 on the internet and then persuaded to come to the US to visit him when she was 19. She's now 23, only 2 years older than our youngest child -- who, by the way, is a young woman herself and has been struggling with the creepy implications of her father in a romantic relationship with someone she considers her peer. A lifelong friend of Mike's has recently been charged with possession of child pornography. He had spent five years in jail for "messing around," he said, with a "seventeen year-old," he said, when he was twenty. He spent ten years in therapy following his release. Although he had to register as a sex offender, he swore he never had The Problem for what he was convicted but said he used the therapy to help himself become a better person. It was all bullshit. We subsequently learned he had actually been convicted for having sex with a girl "13 or younger." The cache of child pornography was discovered by another good friend, his roommate, who went to the police because it was that bad. And of course there is Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, and Roy Moore, and...all of the men on this list. I expect the list to continue to grow.
Truth revealed. Three of Swords. Old wounds and betrayals resurface. Three of Swords.
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| The Druidcraft Tarot |
Not all men? Three of Swords says "Bet me." Because if "good men" are surprised, shocked, and dismayed at what they are witnessing now, they haven't been listening to women. If they haven't been listening, they were dismissive, complicit, and participated in the culture that allowed it. Too harsh? No -- that's real truth. Three of Swords.
What is the point? Truth, if told, needs time to journey from our ears and our minds to our hearts and our character. Being quiet. Listening from the inside. Four of Swords. Healing. Integration. Peace. We'll get there, if we listen, accept the truth, and listen some more.
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| The Druidcraft Tarot |
Meanwhile, now you know why I've been quiet. Too much to say and I don't have the words.
Sunday, February 12, 2017
The Spiral World
“Life is a
journey up a spiral staircase; as we grow older we cover the ground we have covered before, only higher up; as we look down the
winding stair below us we measure our progress by the number of places
where we were but no longer are. The journey is both repetitious and
progressive; we go both round and upward.”
―William Butler Yeats
―William Butler Yeats
I love metaphors to a fault. I know when I've traveled too far into metaphor land when my children snap back, "OK, Mom, ok, I get it, I get it." It's like when you've walked along a beach for so long that because the scenery still looks the same you have no idea how far you've gone. Enough with the metaphors. I can never get enough. Tarot, like metaphor, is illustrative language that tells a story and paints a literal picture in order to communicate a vital truth. I love tarot and I love metaphor, so yeah, not going to stop with the metaphors.
I have often heard the metaphor of an onion used to describe an internal process, be it of healing, maturity, or self-discovery. The idea of the onion metaphor is that we continually peel away layers of self to get to the core. The onion metaphor, however, did not line up with what I actually experienced on my personal trek through life. I found that when I overcame a particular personal obstacle or had a breakthrough that allowed me to move on, at some point later I would revisit the same issue. I thought that layer of the onion had been removed. Then a friend of mine shared that she thinks the path is more of a spiral. As we travel the spiral we certainly do revisit the same issues time and again but at a different level. Now that's a picture I can relate to because it mirrors what I have experienced in a more precise way than the onion metaphor.
From the golden ratio and the Fibonacci sequence, the spiral is a constant pattern in the universe. This is a widely observed phenomenon, though scientists have not figured out the "why." Maybe that's better left to philosophers, but the pattern is evident in everything in nature, art, biology, and The Universe itself.
The World card is about those times on our journey when we overcome obstacles, complete an objective successfully and feel joy, freedom and a sense of accomplishment. The wreath that encircles the dancer reminds us of these cycles and that we are never really finished. If you've ever played a video game with "levels" you'll know what I mean when I say this is the "Leveled Up" card. Completing a level is an accomplishment worthy of dancing in celebration, but as any gamer knows the next level will undoubtedly be more challenging and many of the same obstacles you met in the previous level will be presented again but will be more difficult to overcome. However, all along your journey through the levels of the game you have picked up tools and skills and armor to help you in the succeeding levels. In some games, you've also picked up allies who will help you as well.
Wait, these cycles, aren't they what The Wheel of Fortune is about? Yes, but different cycles. The Wheel is most definitely about cycles but they are the typical rotations of life's whims and follies. In other words, fate. While our actions do certainly shape our destinies, we are never free from those events that occur outside of our control that impact our lives. The World, on the other hand, focuses more on how the individual has responded to those and other experiences in order to achieve the successful completion of a goal. The similarities between the two cards doesn't stop there. They each have heavenly beings in each of the four corners. They can be attributed to Christian symbolism of the four evangelists whose books are canonized in the reformed New Testament: Matthew -- a man; Mark -- a lion; Luke -- an ox, and John -- an eagle. These four Evangelists are also represented by the four fixed astrological signs: Leo, Taurus, Aquarius and Scorpio. In The Wheel's imagery they are each busily writing in books whereas in The World they are celebrating the success of the figure in the center. This conveys the message that the Divine was in the seemingly arbitrary events and that heaven was rooting for you all along.
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By Rolf Süssbrich - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2567511 The four winged creatures that symbolise the Four Evangelists surround Christ in Majesty on the Romanesque tympanum of the Church of St. Trophime in Arles, France. |
Yet another symbol in The World card can be found at the very beginning of the Major Arcana within The Magician. The Magician holds a wand. The figure in The World holds two. This wand is distinct from the suit of Wands in the Minor Arcana. On the table before the Magician, that wand is lying along with symbols of the other suits. So the wand in his right hand with his left hand pointing downward is to symbolize his connection to the Divine and the power to bring forth the adage, "As above, so below." He is, in Waite's tarot, an adept who, unlike the charlatans of previous tarot magicians, seeks to express the Divine within as direct manifestation in his life on earth. The wands in the hands of the woman in The World card are not directly engaged in a concerted effort. She's barely grasping them and they are balanced equally. She's mastered something in her Divine nature and the manifestation is complete. Bravo!
Resting on that laurel wreath is transitory because the next turn of the spiral is right after her last spin on the dance floor. She will find herself back at one, as a Magician, attempting to manifest yet another aspect of the Divine into her earthly existence. No doubt she will go over the same ground previously trod but with a new perspective gained from her last level.
In readings, some situations are readily seen as World events. Graduations, new parenthood, a promotion, an award, etc. I've seen The World show up when someone has been struggling to overcome a broken heart and is a very encouraging indication they are ready, finally, to move on. I've seen it say, "You're above this, don't stoop to their level." and "No need to go through that again, don't reinvent the wheel" (note reference to The Wheel). To a lesser extent this card can be associated with travel, not just a road trip, but more like the kind of travel that requires a passport or visa. However, more often it is a celebratory message that says "Go you!" The question remains, "What's next?"
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Is It Worth It?
When we find ourselves on a particular path that we've devoted a great deal of time and energy to, and the future being what it is, always uncertain, tarot can provide some valuable feedback that we can use to decide "is it worth it?" In fact, there is a specific tarot card for just this dilemma, the 7 of Pentacles:
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| Cosmic Tarot by Norbert LoscheUS Games 1986 |
This card represents those moments in a project, a relationship, or any goal process where we begin to have second thoughts after already having started. We may have even seen some progress, some reward or at least the promise of it, but we're starting to tire of the work involved. We may not see enough progress for the amount of energy we've put in. Seven is a dreamer's number, full of what if's, possibilities, fantasies, and hopes. Pentacles represent the earth, the solid ground under our feet, things we can touch and own and give and take. It's not always about money, but it can be. Depending on the goal, a certain relationship for example, it could mean a physical reality coming to be such as moving in together or some other show of commitment that you can see and touch, not mere words or promises. Here is that moment where we are weighing the pros and cons of continuing forward with our plans and efforts. This can be harder than starting something because when one has already invested time, energy, and financial resources, it can be extremely difficult to change course.
Other cards in a reading can give important feedback for us to use when making this decision. The reading itself cannot and should not make your decision for you. Only you can do that. In reading for someone in this situation, even if the other cards show some unpleasant experiences, I always communicate that sometimes we have to get to that really tough place before we know for sure what to do. Or the cards may indicate a struggle to come before a success. So we have to be careful not to jump to conclusions based on seemingly "negative" cards surrounding this dilemma. For example, we might see this sequence:
Other cards in a reading can give important feedback for us to use when making this decision. The reading itself cannot and should not make your decision for you. Only you can do that. In reading for someone in this situation, even if the other cards show some unpleasant experiences, I always communicate that sometimes we have to get to that really tough place before we know for sure what to do. Or the cards may indicate a struggle to come before a success. So we have to be careful not to jump to conclusions based on seemingly "negative" cards surrounding this dilemma. For example, we might see this sequence:
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| Original Rider Waite Smith |
It appears there may be a tangible setback and a time of material change and struggle, missed opportunities for success or assistance, leading to some disappointment, loss, and regret, but then followed by a period of recovery and healing with clear signs you are now on the way to your goal. In this case, I would say don't give up when the going gets tough. You will come through to the other side having learned important lessons and with a clearer vision of where you are going, even though you will not have reached your goal, you will see what you are supposed to do. This still doesn't say whether the person will ultimately choose to continue or abandon the current project, but it lays out the likely progression which leads to knowing what to do.
In other readings there may be a very clear message to dramatically change direction. For example we might see something like this:
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| DruidCraft Tarot © 2004 by Philip and Stephanie Carr- |
The 10 of Swords tells us it's done, there's no more that can be accomplished in the way you have been approaching things. The 8 of Cups shows an abandoning of a way of being that has become emotionally draining, unsatisfying, or stale. The Ace of Pentacles shows a new opportunity that has much more promise. So in this scenario I would urge my client to consider other options and to critically evaluate their current situation for signs that letting go and moving on would be the right choice for them.
This kind of objective feedback is extraordinarily helpful to one in the middle of a quandary over that assessment of whether something truly is worth seeing through or not. We're often given generic cheerleading advise to keep pushing, never give up, anything that's worth doing is worth giving your all, but sometimes that advice may not work for the specific situation you're dealing with. We also have to take into consideration our own patterns. Do we tend to start things and not finish, or only go halfway and give up? Or do we have a history of holding on to something long past its expiry date? Maybe it's time to change that.
Saturday, April 04, 2015
What Your Brave Is
But have you thought about others? Courage is displayed throughout the deck. The 7 of Wands displays a kind of crazy, madman courage in the face of overwhelming odds and besides, he's not ready. He didn't have time to put on proper footwear. The 5 of Pentacles shows the inner strength to persevere when one is at the rope's frayed end but to keep going despite hardships and challenges. The 8 of Cups shows the courage to strike out on one's own, leaving behind what once was cherished.
“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery
involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or
for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have
ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something
greater.
But sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.
That is the sort of bravery I must have now.”
But sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.
That is the sort of bravery I must have now.”
~Veronica Roth,
Allegiant (Divergent Series)
Stories. We all have our stories, our moments, however brief, of striking courage that surprised ourselves most of all. We look back and wonder at our own bravery, or foolish recklessness, because sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. Sometimes we don't even recognize it as bravery. We were just doing what had to be done and didn't feel any special commission that stated, "This is bravery, right here." It was just necessary and we did it.
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little
voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
Bravery isn't usually on display. It rarely is and that's why we have such high standards for it and don't recognize it in ourselves. We have a Hollywood expectation of bravery. We think that once we do something rash exhibit courage that it should be a game changer, that all will be set right because we finally did what we were afraid to do. That's bullshit. There are times in life when we must find the courage to keep going every single day. That's no better or worse than any other kind of bravery. It's made of the same stuff.
We need to understand that we're not going to understand someone else's brave. What may come easy to one is a daunting struggle to another. My experience of a similar or even the same event is not your experience. I come from a family of introverts, of which I am one just less so, who thought I was brave to dance in front of an audience, speak to large crowds, and tell off a judge (and gained his favor in doing so). These things come easy to me so I don't see the bravery. Sometimes I can look back and see it, but never in the moment. Some of the most courageous things I've ever done were done where no one could see, and even had they seen they probably would not call what I did courageous. Dragging myself off the sofa to take a walk in the midst of a debilitating depression was brave. Leaving one life behind for another while everyone, even I, disapproved was brave. Someone else's brave may be leaving the house determined not to re-check that the stove is off.
My sister was recently diagnosed with leukemia. The chemo made her feel much worse than the disease and she had to go through four agonizing rounds that made her guts raw, her body weak, and took away her beautiful long hair. There were times she said she had frightening thoughts of dying, but overall she tried to remain positive. She told me, "It's just a ride. A crazy ride, but we'll get through it." I don't understand this brave. Were it me, I'd have my funeral planned, written long letters to my loved ones, taken videos to leave them, and cried and cried in mournful self-pity. I once had a biopsy (benign, of course) and did all these things. My sister is now in remission and cancer-free. Brave, not just to face the disease but also to take control of her wellness. She might say no, it was not brave, just something that had to be done. But that's what courage is made of: doing what needs to be done.
“To try to be brave is to be brave.”
~ George MacDonald
~ George MacDonald
Sunday, October 05, 2014
Doctor Google & Tarot
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| Image by MaricorMaricar Studio....... |
I've been really out of sorts for a few months. This blog and many other things have taken a back seat to some sudden onset health issues I've been dealing with. It has been stressful but I'm finally taking action and I'm finally starting to feel more like myself again.
It started in June, more or less. I'd had a pinched nerve in my upper back a few years ago and it went away on its own. It took six weeks but when it was gone, it was gone. Until a few months ago. This time it didn't go away. Instead, after four weeks it changed. It became much sharper and sent more than a dull ache down my right arm. Shocks of nerve pain were constantly traveling up into my neck, down my arm and to my fingers. Walking hurt. Working hurt. Cooking hurt. Cleaning hurt. Driving hurt. I lived on anti-inflammatory meds and rest.
I delayed going to the doctor because insurance. I have it, but it's not affordable. High Deductible Plan with only $500 in my Health Savings Account. I know that nerves cannot be seen on lower cost x-rays and that I would need a pricey MRI. I didn't know what kinds of medications I would need to pay for out of pocket. I also have to pay for non-preventive doctor visits out of pocket and I also have another pressing health issue I must see a doctor for which will likely lead to more imaging tests and lab work that, again, I must pay for out of pocket. My pocket is not that deep. My rent is being raised $50 a month starting next month and I still don't know how that will be adjusted for in my no-wiggle-room budget. In addition to the pain and ongoing symptoms and concern for my health, I was also very concerned about my finances.
And then of course, there's Doctor Google. I was pretty sure I was dying of cancer by the time I had researched my symptoms. Possibly three or four types of cancer. And maybe a rare genetic disorder, I'm not sure.
Driven by pain and worry I scheduled my appointments and said fuck it to the finances. About a week before my appointment, the pain subsided a lot. The nerve shocks still occur when triggered, but the unrelenting pain is gone. Sweet relief! The doctor prescribed prednisone which gave me
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Hartwig HKD Creative Commons License
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This is why I don't read tarot for health issues: Anxiety. I may have pulled a few cards for my situation over the last few months but the swords cards always made me think I was going to have surgery and the pentacles cards made me think I would have to pay a lot of money. I pulled one before my visit to the neurosurgeon and it was the King of Swords, which cracked me up because that's a surgeon card if there ever was one. It was like tarot saying, "Just go see the doctor." Which is probably what I'll tell you if you ask me for a health reading.
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| Pamela A. tarot |
I will read about how you can make the most productive use of your time while you are dealing with health issues. I will ask tarot for advice how you can focus on self-care. But the advice will be general to your health issue and specific to you. I will not attempt to, nor should I, diagnose your issue. We may discover, for example, that stress is contributing to your issue, but stress will not be the issue. If the Death card appears, I will tell you that something will end, hopefully your health issue, and you will need to adjust to something new in the way of living life after that -- and we'll draw a card to see how to navigate that. I will not tell you that Death means death in a health related tarot reading. I will not give you a prognosis because how foolish and irresponsible would that be? The last thing anyone needs is a reading that echoes Doctor Google. I will interpret the cards in light of what you can do today, tomorrow, in your present and immediate future to aid in your recovery and wholeness and this is often how tarot readings work anyway. It approaches your situation from a holistic view.
There really are very, very few things I won't read tarot about. Sometimes I will tell a client that the proposed reading is a waste of their time and money and allow them to reconsider, but I will usually read on whatever my clients ask. They know their pressing questions far better than I. Health issues, both physical and mental, are different because they usually need the attention of a professional trained in that discipline. I am a tarot professional not a health professional and that is where the line is drawn. Besides, more often than not when health issues have played a part in the reading the cards recommend seeing a physician or mental health professional. I often see Kings, Queens, Hierophants, and Hermits in those readings. Kings and Queens often represent professionals, Hierophants often symbolize established institutions such as traditional medicine, and Hermits can be counselors and therapists. So if you ask me about a worrisome health issue I will tell you to see a doctor and we'll read about how to cope in the meantime.
As for me, I'm firing Doctor Google and seeing real ones.
Sunday, February 02, 2014
Not You Again?
Recently a tarot reader wrote to me asking about how to discern the meaning of cards that keep showing up in one's readings. It will happen from time to time when reading for oneself where the same card or cards will reappear no matter what the subject or question. It would be fine if we knew what message these nagging cards were trying to convey, but we often don't. Their reappearance becomes more of a frustration than anything else and they seem to block us from figuring out the rest of the reading, too.
So what to do when these naggers show up time and time again? I think just the fact that they're being repetitive can cause a kind of "block" to our understanding of them. If a card or series of cards shows up once, we have no problem interpreting them, but once they start becoming frequent visitors we start to wonder what else they're trying to say apart from the original reading. The more we try to figure it out, we tend to over-think. Over-thinking usually blocks us from hearing our intuition and the situation gets frustrating as we pour over the individual card meanings, looking up definitions, and searching tarot websites for clues. One meaning leads to another, and another, and another....
I've experienced the best results from simply doing another reading on what the recurring cards are messaging. You'll want to remove the repetitive cards from the deck before laying out your reading because the last thing you want is for tarot to answer with those same cards, which is what usually happens. What does the 2 of Pentacles mean for me in these readings? The 2 of Pentacles. Thanks a lot, tarot. In the case of multiple recurring cards, I would do a reading on each and one for them together. A short, two or three card spread asking a direct question is best such as, "What does this card mean for me now?" is best. It is also helpful to have a position in your reading for "The card does not mean this," which will help rule out some of the various things your mind has been mulling over. Most importantly, do not over-think these readings and go with your initial intuitive meanings that come to you.
Another option is to consult another trusted tarot reader. I often receive feedback after a reading that the cards I pulled were the same cards the client had been seeing repetitively in their own readings but my more objective view was able to see what they had not.
Do you have another way to figure out those nagging recurring cards? I'd like to hear your suggestions!
Sunday, October 06, 2013
Back To School with Tarot?
So my car died. The transmission was being stupid and every day it was being a little more stupid. My mom bought herself a new car and gave me her older one, a PT Cruiser. If I had won the lottery, the PT Cruiser is not the car I would have chosen but it is very nice and it certainly beats a dead car. So I'm extraordinarily grateful to my mother. In the process of registering the car, I had to produce my birth certificate to prove I am my mother's daughter but the problem was I couldn't find it. I tore through some boxes of stuff in storage and found not what I was looking for but a whole slew of old tarot journals from when I was learning to read. I didn't realize how many notes I'd taken, how many readings I wrote down, card meanings, musings, etc. Many.
I'm frequently asked how to learn to read tarot. Several people have asked if I offer classes. I can do that. One of the roles I play at my day job has been as a trainer. I can teach adults the stuff I know. But tarot is different. Some people thrive in a classroom setting and there are some wonderful readers offering wonderful tarot courses and classes, but I'm hesitant. Because that's not the way I learned tarot. I realize not everyone is an autodidact, a self-taught person, but I learn best when I research and practice on my own. Besides, I'm not sure I can teach anyone how to read tarot exactly. I can teach the history of tarot cards and I can show how to lay them out in spreads and I can hand out a set of acceptable meanings, but that's not reading. Besides, you can get that within the little booklet that comes packaged with almost every tarot deck. So what would a class really offer that one can't get on their own?
Maybe I'm being dense. Learning tarot in a class is much like learning anything else. If I took a class on cake decorating but then didn't practice on my own at home, I wouldn't get any better at creating rosettes. If I took a language class and yet continued to use the translation dictionary, the words, the subtle meanings and the natural flow of speaking and understanding wouldn't embed itself in my brain. Maybe this is why I don't take classes unless they are a means to an end such as earning credits toward a degree. If I have a passion to learn something, I just go do it and learn as I go. I have thoroughly enjoyed taking classes, don't misunderstand. I love learning new things. But learning a skill is different and learning tarot is more different still.
While there is a right and wrong way to bake a cake and pronounce a word in another language, there is no right or wrong way to read tarot (or pronounce it, for that matter). While I can equip you with the basics, you must take it from there. You will need to work with your cards every day several times a day. You will be thinking about them even when you're not working with them. You will be reading about them, talking with others about them, writing about them and yes, reading, reading, reading them. You will make discoveries and apply them to your readings. You will study the cards, research symbols, colors, numbers, and incorporate what you find. Or not. Maybe you will find whatever you find in the cards. Maybe you will develop your own set of meanings and symbols and use those. No one can teach you these things.
Because the language of tarot comes from your own conscious and subconscious connections and experiences, every reader speaks a different dialect of tarot. When I read for someone who also reads tarot, I am often asked how I arrived at a particular card meaning. I don't know? I can only tell you what I know about the card itself but how the connection came to be made between that and what I told you in the context of your reading is a complex domino effect of associations that happens so quickly in my brain that I couldn't begin to unravel it for you.
The first tarot reading I received was so mind blowing for me that when I began the process of learning tarot, I wanted to read like THAT. I wanted to be able to read those cards like a story, connecting them in a way that not only made sense linguistically but made sense in the life of the one I was reading for. Just as learning a language is best done by immersing oneself in the culture and environment of the language, so it was for me with tarot, too.
That said, I've been thinking about offering something, though, along the lines of teaching tarot. Just because I learn best on my own doesn't mean everyone does. I'm not against a tarot class, per se, but maybe a kind of tarot mentoring or coaching would be more beneficial? For those who might be interested in a tarot class, what would you be looking for? What would you want to accomplish by taking such a class? When the class was over, what would you expect to be equipped to do?
Saturday, August 03, 2013
When Tarot Says Wait
Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.
-Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns
-Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns
Tarot is a master of dilemmas. One of the finest uses for tarot is sorting through the angles and what if's and projecting possible outcomes. It's what makes it such a great tool for brainstorming and decision making. So when the advice the cards give is to wait it can be extremely frustrating. We've been waiting, hence the stalemate of the stubborn problem, and we decide to give tarot a go at the situation and even tarot is being stubborn! At first you might think tarot is being obtuse. Like, no shit Sherlock, I already know I'm stuck, give me a freaking answer already!
There are several cards in the deck that indicate waiting. The Hanged Man is probably the most obvious as he's got no other option.
In some ways, as frustrating as any kind of waiting can be, this kind of waiting is one of those "Oh well, may as well make the best of it" kind of times. And with this card you really do make the best of the waiting time and come away from it better off. What's more, you don't have to do much externally. (Well, you can't anyway.) All the good stuff happens internally. Your focus and perspective takes a major shift so when the waiting is over, you're all set to move forward. Getting this card as a signal to wait is a bit easier because you already know if you're caught up like the guy in the card and there's nothing you can do. It's nice to have this acknowledged by a tarot reading so you can accept the situation and get to the internal business rather than struggle against the ropes.
The 4 of Swords is another kind of waiting.
The waiting in this card can be either self-imposed or externally demanded. It indicates a time out either due to illness, imprisonment, a short retreat, even spending time catching up on desperately needed sleep. Like the Hanged Man, it involves gaining perspective, indicated by the swords, as the mental blockade becomes less impenetrable during the time spent in rest. This card advises stepping back and waiting so your mind has an opportunity to settle and in that time you will be better able to go back and deal with the issue. With waiting, time seems suspended and that can be the most frustrating part. Waiting is always less frustrating when we have something to do. But doing isn't always active or physical, it can be mental doing that occupies the time. However, this card says we shouldn't even be doing that. Stop tossing the problem back and forth in your mind for a while. Let it just be and go take care of yourself. Stop obsessing.
And then we have the 2 of Swords:
If ever there was a dilemma card, this one's it. It's not always indicative of indecision. Sometimes it can be a conscious choice to remain neutral in a situation. In terms of waiting, however, this card advises to take that neutral stance until a truth of some kind reveals itself that will undoubtedly break the stalemate. That revelation often comes as the 3 of Swords, an unpleasant truth, but necessary to understand clearly before one knows what to think and do.
Active waiting is another kind, somewhat better to deal with, but still frustrating to get in a reading. The 7 of Pentacles can represent this kind:
In the situation represented by the 7 of Pentacles, you've already put so much time, energy and investment into the situation but you're wondering if you should expend any more. It may be starting to look like it was all a wasted effort and if you continue you may just be throwing good resources after bad. Or maybe when you started you felt more positive about the whole thing but now, you're just not sure it's what you really want. And it's turning out to be a lot more work than you bargained for, too. This card is full of doubt and wishful thinking. Still, there's stuff you can do in the meantime while you're waiting for the situation to ripen. Until something indicates it's time to go in a different direction, you can keep tending to the situation as you have been. I wouldn't invest any more additional resources if you can help it, but just watch and wait to see if things turn out well (or not). This means you'll still be busy, which makes the waiting somewhat more bearable.
Fours in tarot often show stillness, a time of unmoving stability. The 4 of Cups is interesting because cups, emotions, are often anything but still:
Here's the kind of waiting that one does when you're just not feeling it. You had hoped for more and you didn't get it. There's disappointment and feelings of hopelessness. These emotions have a way of dragging you down so you don't even want to keep trying or hoping. Just fuck it, you think, I should just forget it. But you can't. So you wait until something happens to engage your emotions or passions again. Waiting through this card can feel awful, so the advice would be to try not to be so pessimistic and look around you for opportunities you may be missing that would fill your cup again. Take time to just sit with your emotions (or lack of them) and accept that we all go through times like this. I definitely wouldn't make any decisions during this time. Probably unwise. So wait it out.
I really hate the next one, the 8 of Swords:
Stuck. So goddamn stuck. I always get the sense that this woman didn't get into this predicament by herself. While her own thoughts may be keeping her there, she's been hoodwinked and tied up, too. It's as if someone has deceived her and she is now realizing she has been deceived but doesn't know what to do about it and can't find her way out of the deception. The advice here isn't about waiting for rescue, because that isn't going to happen. The waiting in this card is less about standing still any longer, but waiting on your own senses to engage and give you important clues how to release yourself. This woman can use her sense of smell and hearing to gather crucial information. She can smell the sea and hear the waves and know not to move in that direction. She can feel the sand under her feet and take tentative, careful steps across the sand, feeling her way forward. This card can also indicate you've been accepting of your victimization and it's now time to take some control. This card can reveal why you have been waiting but it doesn't exactly advise to keep waiting. It does, however, advise that whatever you decide to do, do carefully and calculatingly.
Usually the 4 of Pentacles is viewed in a rather negative light, as a miserly, greedy, stubborn kind of energy. But in terms of advice and waiting it can mean not these traits but something different:
This is mine and you can't have any. It's telling you to not give any of your stuff, your time, your resources, your attention. Be stubborn and stick to your boundaries. Don't give in. It's not so much about waiting as about taking a stand and refusing to be manipulated or victimized. So if you're wondering what you can do about a situation and this card comes up as advice, don't do anything. Don't give anything. Let them come to you, and even then, don't budge.
While waiting is hard, really hard sometimes, when the advice is clear that waiting is the best course of action, er, non-action, we can at least use the time wisely and productively by following the other clues in the card's advice. If we need to take a break from the situation, do that. Take a long drive, go to a movie, whatever it takes to get away from the anxiousness of waiting. If the card says just keep doing what you've been doing, then do that and try not to stress over what if's. If you're supposed to start taking baby steps, take one. Doesn't matter which one, just move in a direction. If you can't actually do anything, try to see the situation from other perspectives. A change of mind and understanding can actually be the key to getting unstuck. Waiting is always difficult, but with something to do it seems to pass more quickly.
Sunday, June 02, 2013
The Cougar in The Lovers Card
Although we don't really know what is happening in the scene in the Marseilles "The Lover" card, some have suggested it may be an allegorical choice between two women, one older (Virtue), one younger (Sensuality). The card can indicate the need for guidance in decisions, taking into account what you believe in, your moral standing, before moving forward with a choice. As far as literal romance goes, we expect he'll choose the younger. Did you ever wonder what if he chose the older woman? How might that go?
I am happily partnered with a man who is 16 years younger than me. Does this make me a "cougar?" Maybe. I mean, it kind of started off in a cougar-like fashion. Mike was the first younger man I'd ever considered being romantically involved with, but I wasn't looking for long term at the time. I met him nine years ago. He was handsome, sexy, charming and 25. I was 41 and just wanted a fun fling with that sweet young thang. So I kissed him. Right on the mouth. But falling in love? Not on the agenda for either of us. During the course of that "fling" we unexpectedly connected on a really deep, loving level. We've been in a committed relationship for six years now.
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| Cougar Dating Site Advertisement |
Insecurity: He will probably leave me for a younger woman.
Truth: He might, but so could any guy. How is age a guarantee he won't? Plenty of men do this whether they are older, the same age, or younger. Trust is an issue in relationships, period.
Insecurity: He must have mommy issues and I'm the cure.
Truth: I see women in their twenties "mothering" grown ass men all the time. I'm careful not to nurture too much but not because he's younger than me. Because its my nature to do so and then resent the hell out of it. I have learned a thing or two from my past relationships, so I check that impulse. It has nothing to do with his age and everything to do with my own unhealthy patterns. But even if he did have "mommy issues," so what? Who doesn't bring their issues into relationships? We all have them and the trick is to find someone who fits into your particular emotional curves. In this scene from the movie Rocky Paulie asks Rocky why he wants to be with his sister, why Adrian?
Paulie: [talking about Adrian] You like her?
Rocky: Sure, I like her.
Paulie: What's the attraction?
Rocky: I dunno... she fills gaps.
Paulie: What's 'gaps'?
Rocky: I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.
Insecurity: He's embarrassed by my age when we go out together.
Truth: He brags about my age to his friends and anyone who will listen. Stop it, I shush him, but that's because I'm usually the one thinking I look foolish with this younger man, not the other way around. He tells his guy friends they should find an older woman to settle down with and proudly states our age difference. This is new to him, too. He's never been in a relationship with an older woman and while he struggled with the idea at first, he says its the best decision he's ever made. I do present as younger than I am, and I won't deny that's part of what attracted Mike to me. I'm comfortable with my age but I'm also fine with letting people think I'm only slightly older than him. No such luck as he usually lets that cat out of the bag. I don't really focus on "looking younger." If I did I'd exercise a lot more than I do. If you're going to be with someone a lot younger than you, confidence in yourself and satisfaction with who you are is key. Then again, that's key in any relationship, isn't it?
Insecurity: He's so immature.
Truth: Yeah, in some ways. And so am I in some ways. Nobody grows up in a linear fashion. One of the things that attracted me to him was his mental and emotional maturity, the way he thinks through issues and leaves room for change. When he's being stupid and immature, I roll my eyes and let it roll off my shoulders. Thankfully, he does the same for me. Sometimes we'll call each other out on it. Nobody gets defensive. How we deal with each others immaturity is actually quite mature.
Insecurity: I'll tire of him eventually.
Truth: How is this an age thing? I might get tired or bored with any partner.
Other things, not age difference, are more likely to doom our relationship, things that most couples struggle with such as stress, finances, and the fact that he avoids doing the dishes. We both have so much baggage, issues, and past stuff that could potentially create impasse, but we navigate through all that with honesty and courage. As far as interpersonal relating goes, it's the most equal and emotionally healthy relationship I've ever had. I'm not saying age isn't an issue here. It is, but it's just one among others and frankly it's a much lesser issue in the whole scheme of our relationship.
There were those who thought Mike was my mid-life crisis boy toy and I was his cougar/MILF experience. Mostly the negative comments and cautionary concern came from people my age and older. Younger men and women in their 20's and 30's have been very supportive and affirming. The older folks have experience and wisdom, but love doesn't listen to that. There's just no rhyme or reason to love, there really isn't. I'm as surprised as anyone that this man grabbed my heart and I his. The heart apparently does not count the years lived. It is more concerned with the immediate and present and sees beyond, under, around and through.
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| Ginny & Mike |
Saturday, May 04, 2013
Fear: Taming Our Overprotective Guard Dog
“What difference do it make if the thing you scared of is real or not?”
~ Toni Morrison
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| Original image: Album cover by Alfatec, Brainphobia |
Fear. It is one of our basic, instinctive, primal responses. Fear is necessary to survival and so our brains are hard-wired with this complex response to real or imagined threats to our safety. Fear demands a response, any response, immediately. It prompts our entire body and mind to react and react now.
The sudden flood of these hormones cause changes in the body that include:
- heart rate and blood pressure increase
- pupils dilate to take in as much light as possible
- veins in skin constrict to send more blood to major muscle groups (responsible for the "chill" sometimes associated with fear -- less blood in the skin to keep it warm)
- blood-glucose level increases
- muscles tense up, energized by adrenaline and glucose (responsible for goose bumps -- when tiny muscles attached to each hair on surface of skin tense up, the hairs are forced upright, pulling skin with them)
- smooth muscle relaxes in order to allow more oxygen into the lungs
- nonessential systems (like digestion and immune system) shut down to allow more energy for emergency functions
- trouble focusing on small tasks (brain is directed to focus only on big picture in order to determine where threat is coming from)
Each of us find different situations threatening, so what produces these responses in one person may not in another. When we see someone reacting in the throes of fear we may not immediately understand why they are so uptight and anxious just as others don't always get why we're freaking out. We can understand why a survivor of trauma fears similar situations to the original event, but our minds are so good at fear that we can fear things that have never happened to us. Therein lies the immobilizing power of fear. It holds us back from doing things because we imagine the outcome as dangerous. We can even interpret fear as intuition -- and sometimes it is, hence the confusion -- and refrain from something simply because we are afraid. It's very difficult to move against the onslaught of all those physical chemicals and consciously choose not to react immediately, but that is precisely what we need to do when we are in fear's grip and we are actually not in any immediate danger.
Time permitting, we should examine the source of the fear and determine whether it is real or imagined. Imagined fears aren't necessarily less real. I've never been bitten by a lion, but I am pretty certain I shouldn't waltz into the lion's enclosure at the zoo. There are risks we shouldn't be willing to take. But so many perceived risks have good odds of turning out well, but our brains want to protect us so fear takes over. While I appreciate my body's concern for my well-being, it can get out of hand and smother me with its protection like an overprotective guard dog. So I need to determine whether I am responding to something from a place of fear or a place of curiosity and confidence. Fear holds us back or makes us run willy-nilly in the opposite direction while confidence moves us forward and gives us the inspiration to try new things.
Tarot readings can help sort this. We can ask if we are responding in fear and if so, what is that fear based upon. Is it helping or hurting? We can examine alternative responses and then make conscious, not reactive, choices to a stressful or confusing situation. Because fear can wear many disguises such as anger, apathy, and sadness, sometimes we don't even recognize it as fear. Fear is not weakness, it just is. We simply need to acknowledge it and pat it on its head, thank it for its protection, but not allow it to dictate our decisions.
Here is an example of a simple reading on fear:
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| Deck: Original Rider Waite |
What is a more confident response? Knight of Cups. The Knights are pretty courageous guys. They move towards their goal in spite of their fear and this one does so for the cause of love. Despite the very real danger of heartbreak, humiliation, and emotional pain, this knight recommends putting yourself out there for love's sake and to do so from a place of love, not fear.
What is likely to happen if I choose this response? The Tower. This card can by itself provoke fear in many, but take a deep breath and another look. It represents a breaking down of false fronts, walls, and artifices that shouldn't have been erected in the first place. In this reading it shows that the very thing that is needed, courage and love, will break through lies, deception, and ego. From there, things may be lost and rebuilt, but it must happen and will happen regardless. It will clear the air and bring much needed change. Maybe it won't be pleasant, but it will be worth it. Will you maintain control? Probably not. Your fear is justified, but the Tower shows it is necessary to release it and lose it to gain much more.
Scary? Sure. But acknowledging the fear and seeing what is likely to happen when the situation is approached with courage produces confidence which then prompts us to move forward rather than remaining stuck in unhealthy patterns and behavior. We can also likewise determine if the fear is worthy of heeding, if approaching the situation in confidence would actually be foolhardy. Either way, we are consciously choosing our actions rather than merely reacting.
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