78 Notes to Self: A Tarot Journal

We are all wanderers on this earth. Our hearts are full of wonder, and our souls are deep with dreams.

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Get the Most Out of Your Relationship Reading: Do's and Don'ts

Life is messy and nowhere does it seem to get messier than in relationships.   I often read tarot on matters of the heart, primarily relationships with significant others or those we want to be significant others.  But other relationships also puzzle, such as relationships with our children, co-workers, friends, and parents.  Most often we want to know what that person is likely to do and why.  Why someone else's choices matter to you corresponds directly with how great or small their decisions impact you. But honestly, we have a hard enough time trying to figure ourselves out much less someone else. Turning to a trusted tarot reader can help, a lot, but maybe not quite in the way you think.

While it's natural to want to know what someone else is going to do so we may be prepared, it's not really helpful to be aware of the probable outcome when all you can then do is sit and wait for it to happen.  Besides, life and relationships don't really work that way.  A million small and seemingly insignificant choices and circumstances factor into how something comes to pass, and nowhere is this seen more obviously than in human relationships.  What with the Butterfly Effect and all, wouldn't it be better to take at least some control over your situation and relationship and impact your own life?  Therefore, these are some suggestions, a list of do's and don'ts,  to help you get the most from your next relationship reading:

1.  Don't ask when your next significant romantic relationship will be.  Why would you want to know this?  Some readers are quite talented with extracting timing from tarot and some are not, but even if they can provide the exact date and time of the moment you will meet Mr. or Ms. Coming Attraction, how does this serve you?  Does it take you that long to choose an outfit? What are you going to do in the meanwhile?  Are you going to sit home every night until that day knowing that all other potential suitors are a waste of time?  What happens when the appointed time comes and...nothing? Because we are all interconnected, what you do now has an effect on what happens later.  Doing nothing will effect nothing.  

2. Do ask what you can do to raise your chances of meeting someone special.  Rather than wait on someone else's timetable, get some insight into the parts of yourself that may be blocking or inhibiting the connection you are seeking.  While hitting it off with someone is not entirely in your control, some of the dynamic is.  If someone tells me they are repeatedly dating assholes, part of the problem is there are a lot of assholes out there.  But another part has to do with the expectations they have about others, themselves, love, etc.  Some of these run quite deep and stem from unlikely sources.  Why we are initially attracted to someone may be linked to unfinished business in our past and our subconscious keeps leading us to people with whom we feel familiar.  Not always a good thing when familiar equates to being treated like dirt. 

3.  Don't ask how things are going in your love interest's relationship.  A lot of people find themselves very attracted to people who are already in another relationship.  By itself, this is not wrong.  And sometimes that other person is in the process of leaving their relationship and could potentially become available to you.  And sometimes a romantic relationship happens between people with other relationships in the mix.  I'm not going to judge.  Here's the problem (among others): Asking about the status of that other relationship is not going to tell you anything about what is likely to happen in your relationship.  Relationships are complicated and on any given day, or hour, it is likely to be tense and angry or sweetness and light.  How your love interest deals with their other relationship does not actually give you any indication whether they will finally leave them and pair up with you. The only true proof is if they actually do. Besides, there are a lot of readers who won't even address this kind of question.  They view it as a kind of spying, an invasion of someone's privacy.

4.  Do ask whether this person is being honest with you, whether they have other hidden agendas or obligations that will prevent them from committing to you.  These things don't always mean the person is with someone else.  There could be many other circumstances and reasons why someone may not be forthcoming.  And I wouldn't ask this question too early in the relationship.  This is a question best reserved for a time when your own intuition is throwing red flags up and you're getting a sense that something is "off" with the other person.  This usually happens, if it happens,  when you've been seeing someone for a while.  This question may also be off-limits to some readers.  Privacy and all that.

5.  Don't ask whether the relationship will "work out."  What does that even mean?  Does it mean will you stay together?  Longevity does not equal happiness.  Does it mean will you be happy together? I can answer that without cards and the answer is not always.  Will it work out for you or for them?  Sometimes a relationship "works out" by ending.

6.  Do ask what you can do to better the relationship.  The answers may surprise you.  The cards may indicate you need to take more time for yourself, devote more time to your own interests and activities.  They may tell you to lay down firmer boundaries and stop putting up with so much bullshit.  The advice may be to spend more time seeing and commenting on the positive aspects of your partner and appreciating them rather than the negative.  Be prepared for stark honesty with this question as the cards usually don't play around with this.  They will tell you straight up.

7.  Don't expect miracles.  If you haven't heard from your love interest for six months and the last time you spoke they told you they were moving on, don't expect the reading to reveal they will contact you in a week with apologies and professions of true love.  Not going to happen.  Stop asking.

8.  Do ask what you can do to heal and move on.  When a relationship ends it can take a good while to sort it out within ourselves, to grieve its passing and the death of our hopes.  We miss the other person.  It hurts.  We're angry.  We need closure.  This is a process and sometimes we need direction and assurance.

9.  Don't ask what you can do to make someone do as you want.  Tarot isn't going to help you manipulate others.  Besides, even if you can get someone to do what you want, this kind of approach still leaves you in a passive, reactionary position which depends on other people's choices and actions for your happiness.  And it doesn't work in the long run.  The other person inevitably figures out your game and gets pissed off, with good reason.

10.  Do ask what you can do to meet your own needs.  It could be that you should have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner.  It may also mean you have needs they can't and should not be expected to meet.  Being in control of your own happiness and fulfillment is much easier than trying to get someone else to do it for you.  Ultimately no one really can make you happy, only you can do that for yourself, so it's better to focus on your own actions and perspective.