78 Notes to Self: A Tarot Journal

We are all wanderers on this earth. Our hearts are full of wonder, and our souls are deep with dreams.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Sex, Lies and the Three of Swords
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Look, I'm not a generally hopeful person.  I am a realist, practical and grounded, most of the time. It's not hard for me to lose hope, I do it all the time. I am rarely disappointed because my expectations are low. I take life at face value and see things and people for what they are, not what I hoped they would be. This time, though, I've reached a level of hopelessness that I haven't felt in a very long time.  I have spent many months in a state of "What is the point?"

I don't have an existential answer to that.

But what is happening now, across the country, in full view of everyone, is tempting me to hope.  It is at least a Three of Swords if not a Tower. I don't feel it's a Tower, really, but a Three of Swords, definitely.  Harsh truth, blindfolds removed, facing what is true and real.  Men and women are publicly speaking out against those who have sexually harassed, assaulted, and harmed them and --here's the best part-- we are LISTENING.  Well, many of us are.


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Robin Wood Tarot

So many women, especially, are feeling triggered. #MeToo. Who knew so many of us have various shades of PTSD just from living our lives in this very bent society that treats us like morsels for male entertainment. Personally, I'm freaking out internally on a daily basis hearing about men creeping on underage girls. My first marriage was to a man who, among other abusive crimes, persistently preyed on adolescent girls, including me at 17 when he was 32.  He was arrested on sexual assault of teenage girls several times during our brief marriage and I don't know how many times since. My second husband, a man in his fifties, just married a young Russian woman he groomed at 18 on the internet and then persuaded to come to the US to visit him when she was 19. She's now 23, only 2 years older than our youngest child -- who, by the way, is a young woman herself and has been struggling with the creepy implications of her father in a romantic relationship with someone she considers her peer.  A lifelong friend of Mike's has recently been charged with possession of child pornography.  He had spent five years in jail for "messing around," he said, with a "seventeen year-old," he said, when he was twenty.  He spent ten years in therapy following his release. Although he had to register as a sex offender, he swore he never had The Problem for what he was convicted but said he used the therapy to help himself become a better person.  It was all bullshit.  We subsequently learned he had actually been convicted for having sex with a girl "13 or younger."  The cache of child pornography was discovered by another good friend, his roommate, who went to the police because it was that bad.  And of course there is Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, and Roy Moore, and...all of the men on this list.  I expect the list to continue to grow.

Truth revealed. Three of Swords. Old wounds and betrayals resurface. Three of Swords.


The Druidcraft Tarot

Not all men? Three of Swords says "Bet me."  Because if "good men" are surprised, shocked, and dismayed at what they are witnessing now, they haven't been listening to women.  If they haven't been listening, they were dismissive, complicit, and participated in the culture that allowed it. Too harsh? No -- that's real truth. Three of Swords.

What is the point? Truth, if told, needs time to journey from our ears and our minds to our hearts and our character. Being quiet. Listening from the inside. Four of Swords.  Healing. Integration. Peace. We'll get there, if we listen, accept the truth, and listen some more.


The Druidcraft Tarot
Meanwhile, now you know why I've been quiet. Too much to say and I don't have the words.

Monday, May 08, 2017

Hello Again
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Hello...Testing...1,2,3.  I have finally gotten around to uploading ye olde podcasts from ages ago and they have now gone live on Google Play Music and are almost live on iTunes.  They are also over at PodOmatic.  The Series on the Aces, The Tarot Court and other miscellaneous podcasts are now up and I'll be adding more until I exhaust my collection.  Then I'll start recording new ones.

About time, right?



https://play.google.com/music/m/Ihtb7offdz7bcbwremmogiks67m?t=78_Notes_To_Self_Podcast






Sunday, February 12, 2017

The Spiral World
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“Life is a journey up a spiral staircase; as we grow older we cover the ground we have covered before, only higher up; as we look down the winding stair below us we measure our progress by the number of places where we were but no longer are. The journey is both repetitious and progressive; we go both round and upward.”
―William Butler Yeats


I love metaphors to a fault.  I know when I've traveled too far into metaphor land when my children snap back, "OK, Mom, ok, I get it, I get it."  It's like when you've walked along a beach for so long that because the scenery still looks the same you have no idea how far you've gone.  Enough with the metaphors.  I can never get enough.  Tarot, like metaphor, is illustrative language that tells a story and paints a literal picture in order to communicate a vital truth.  I love tarot and I love metaphor, so yeah, not going to stop with the metaphors.

I have often heard the metaphor of an onion used to describe an internal process, be it of healing, maturity, or self-discovery.  The idea of the onion metaphor is that we continually peel away layers of self to get to the core.  The onion metaphor, however, did not line up with what I actually experienced on my personal trek through life.  I found that when I overcame a particular personal obstacle or had a breakthrough that allowed me to move on, at some point later I would revisit the same issue.  I thought that layer of the onion had been removed.  Then a friend of mine shared that she thinks the path is more of a spiral. As we travel the spiral we certainly do revisit the same issues time and again but at a different level.  Now that's a picture I can relate to because it mirrors what I have experienced in a more precise way than the onion metaphor.

From the golden ratio and the Fibonacci sequence, the spiral is a constant pattern in the universe.  This is a widely observed phenomenon, though scientists have not figured out the "why."  Maybe that's better left to philosophers, but the pattern is evident in everything in nature, art, biology, and The Universe itself.

The Major Arcana XXI, The World, or in some decks, The Universe, relates intimately to the spiral pattern that maps our life's journey, collectively and individually.   XXI (21) is the smallest non-trivial example of a Fibonacci number whose digits are Fibonacci numbers and whose digit sum is also a Fibonacci number.  It's also the winning number in the games of Blackjack and ping pong. In Kabbalah Numerology 21 is pictured as “The Universe”, and is also called “The Crown of the Magi”. It promises general success, and guarantees advancement, honors, awards, and general elevation in life and career. It indicates victory after a long struggle, for the “Crown” is gained only after long initiation, much soul testing and various other tests of determination. However, the person or entity blessed with the number 21 may be certain of final victory over all odds and opposition. It is a most fortunate vibration – a number of karmic reward.


The World card is about those times on our journey when we overcome obstacles, complete an objective successfully and feel joy, freedom and a sense of accomplishment.  The wreath that encircles the dancer reminds us of these cycles and that we are never really finished.  If you've ever played a video game with "levels" you'll know what I mean when I say this is the "Leveled Up" card.  Completing a level is an accomplishment worthy of dancing in celebration, but as any gamer knows the next level will undoubtedly be more challenging and many of the same obstacles you met in the previous level will be presented again but will be more difficult to overcome.  However, all along your journey through the levels of the game you have picked up tools and skills and armor to help you in the succeeding levels. In some games, you've also picked up allies who will help you as well.


Wait, these cycles, aren't they what The Wheel of Fortune is about?  Yes, but different cycles. The Wheel is most definitely about cycles but they are the typical rotations of life's whims and follies.  In other words, fate.  While our actions do certainly shape our destinies, we are never free from those events that occur outside of our control that impact our lives. The World, on the other hand, focuses more on how the individual has responded to those and other experiences in order to achieve the successful completion of a goal.  The similarities between the two cards doesn't stop there.  They each have heavenly beings in each of the four corners.  They can be attributed to Christian symbolism of the four evangelists whose books are canonized in the reformed New Testament: Matthew -- a man; Mark -- a lion; Luke -- an ox, and John -- an eagle. These four Evangelists are also represented by the four fixed astrological signs: Leo, Taurus, Aquarius and Scorpio.  In The Wheel's imagery they are each busily writing in books whereas in The World they are celebrating the success of the figure in the center. This conveys the message that the Divine was in the seemingly arbitrary events and that heaven was rooting for you all along.

By Rolf Süssbrich - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2567511  The four winged creatures that symbolise the Four Evangelists surround Christ in Majesty on the Romanesque tympanum of the Church of St. Trophime in Arles, France.
The World has a key similarity to another Major Arcana card: The Hanged Man.  Both figures leg positions are the same. In the World, she is dancing.  Does this mean The Hanged Man is likewise "dancing"?  Well, sort of.  The legs form a fylfot cross, or what is known as a swastika cross.  Before the German Nazi Party co opted it, the fylfot cross was and is a spiritual symbol that meant "well being" and "balance."  In The Hanged Man it communicates that although he is in a painful circumstance, all is well with his soul.  He will come through it intact and blessed.  There is also the balance concept seen in The Wheel of Fortune. The swastika is a type of solar cross with arms bent at right angles suggesting a whirling or turning motion. Likewise, the dancer in The World, with her fylfot cross position and flowing hair and scarf suggest the same.


 Yet another symbol in The World card can be found at the very beginning of the Major Arcana within The Magician.  The Magician holds a wand. The figure in The World holds two.  This wand is distinct from the suit of Wands in the Minor Arcana.  On the table before the Magician, that wand is lying along with symbols of the other suits.  So the wand in his right hand with his left hand pointing downward is to symbolize his connection to the Divine and the power to bring forth the adage, "As above, so below."  He is, in Waite's tarot, an adept who, unlike the charlatans of previous tarot magicians, seeks to express the Divine within as direct manifestation in his life on earth.  The wands in the hands of the woman in The World card are not directly engaged in a concerted effort.  She's barely grasping them and they are balanced equally.  She's mastered something in her Divine nature and the manifestation is complete. Bravo!


 Resting on that laurel wreath is transitory because the next turn of the spiral is right after her last spin on the dance floor.  She will find herself back at one, as a Magician, attempting to manifest yet another aspect of the Divine into her earthly existence.  No doubt she will go over the same ground previously trod but with a new perspective gained from her last level.

 In readings, some situations are readily seen as World events.  Graduations, new parenthood, a promotion, an award, etc.  I've seen The World show up when someone has been struggling to overcome a broken heart and is a very encouraging indication they are ready, finally, to move on.  I've seen it say, "You're above this, don't stoop to their level." and "No need to go through that again, don't reinvent the wheel" (note reference to The Wheel).  To a lesser extent this card can be associated with travel, not just a road trip, but more like the kind of travel that requires a passport or visa.  However, more often it is a celebratory message that says "Go you!"  The question remains, "What's next?"