This scenario is more common than dirt: Two people have a romantic relationship. It lasts however long, then they break up. They part ways. Then, some weeks, months, even years later, one of them contacts the other. Just to say hi, they say. Just wanted to see how you're doing, they say. Hmmmm....what does he/she want? Are they fishing to see if you're available? Will they call again? What's going on? I get this type of question regularly in my tarot reading practice, and I mean a LOT. I don't always use this spread, but sometimes I do because it contains position meanings that explore not only what the other person may be intending, but also what it is you want. That bit of information is often overlooked when someone is contacted by an ex they still care about, but they haven't asked themselves in a while if they even want the relationship to be reconciled. What you wanted in the long weeks following the breakup may not be what you want for yourself now. Ok, here's the spread. I found it at Tarot Wisdom Readings and I used the Archeon deck. Click on the image to see position meanings better.


1. The Past History of the Relationship: Six of Swords. Here a ship sails through and past the six swords, leaving them behind, storm clouds appear to be breaking in the distance. From this card it appears the relationship was quite stormy, many harsh words were said on both sides, both people had drawn their lines in the sand, took and held to their positions and the only solution was for one or the other to leave. The six of swords is often a "break up card" in relationship readings as it depicts someone leaving for calmer seas, brighter shores. Sometimes it can indicate a couple getting through a difficult period in their relationship and moving past it, but as this is an ex-relationship reading, it makes sense that this card is depicting what brought the relationship to an end. Given the suit is swords, it appears they had trouble communicating on the same wave length and were opposed to one another's way of thinking as well as speaking.

2. Where you are now. Ten of Pentacles. This is a crucial card in this spread because it tells you about yourself and gives you a piece of what you need to make a more informed decision.
Here we see a very peaceful scene, a large castle-like mansion by a calm sea. The crescent moon illuminates the watery image, telling me that this person has reached that place of peace and security aimed for in the first card, the six of swords. I'm inclined to say that this person was the one who initiated the break-up and has since found a place of inner wealth, peace, and satisfaction in their life. As the ten of pentacles also indicates the wealth of tradition, family and inheritence, this person may have even gone on to marry another and begin a family. If not, it simply means they are quite secure where they are now.

3. Where your ex is now. Eight of Swords. Oy. They're not doing so well. They appear to be stuck as a result of their previous thoughts and actions and now find themselves unable to move in any direction. They could be caught in a bad relationship in which they desperately want freedom from and are looking to you as a way out. They could be overridden with guilt in how they treated you and are looking for the release of your forgiveness. In any case, they are painfully bound up in their own mind and are looking to you for help in removing those bonds.

4. What you really feel about reconciling. Nine of Pentacles. This is another crucial position in this spread, telling you more about yourself. The tendency in these situations is to focus on the ex, to wonder why they called, to try and figure out their intentions but it's very important to instead focus on you and your true feelings about them and what you want to do next. Here is a woman, arms up in freedom and victory, the image of a lion (Strength) superimposed on her torso tells me she is confident and strong in herself. The nine pentacles surrounding her show that she is materially comfortable, self-sufficient, and really doesn't need anyone to complete her or make her whole. I'm thinking the person represented by this card isn't too keen on reconciling with this ex and would rather remain her own person, independent and free.

5. What your ex feels about reconciling. Queen of Wands. This is what is called a "Court Card" in tarot. There are four in each suit: Pages (or Princesses, Knaves, or Fante); Knights (or Princes, though in the Thoth deck Knights are Kings, but Crowley's deck is another ball of wax altogether anyway); Queens (or Regina); and Kings (or Re). These cards are stereotypes of people with the qualities of their suits. I'll go more in depth about courts in another post soon, but for now I'll just say that Queens represent the element of water (emotions, intuition) combined with the element of their suit, in this case wands which, in my way of elemental associations, is fire. Queens are also the means by which plans become implemented, they delegate to others as well as accomplish things themselves. They are actively in charge of things. The Queen of Wands is a passionate, active sort of woman whose emotions tend to guide her actions and passions. She's fairly unstoppable when she is focused on a task that she is passionate about and has a tendency toward the flashy and dramatic. When a Court comes up in a position such as this one, describing how someone may feel, it's helpful to ask yourself, "How would the Queen of Wands feel?" This becomes easier once you get to know these personalities of tarot. The ex in this case probably feels very passionate about reconciling and is eager to see it happen. They would be looking for ways to act on that idea and make it happen in a rather outward, gregarious fashion. The fact that a Queen came up here tells me this person's emotion are key to understanding their actions and how they act is dependent upon those emotions. Watch what this person does as well as what they say, but their actions will tell you how they feel.

6. Who or What Opposes What You Want? Three of Swords. I read this position with the assumption that reconciliation is what is "wanted" or at least supposing it's wanted. It could simply be what is opposing the reconciliation. A figure grieving with hands over their face, three swords, one of which has cracked open a heart. Ouch. This hurt is what is standing in the way. It took a lot of mental processing to deal with the pain of the relationship and the breakup itself, too, so it may not be possible to put that behind either one of you and start anew. It seems there were some hurtful things said that have not been addressed and may still hurt as you look back upon them. While you would like to get past this, you are unsure whether it is possible for you to do so.

7. Who or What Can Help You? The Lovers. This is a Major Arcana and as such, in relationship spreads particularly, signifies a really BIG relationship in your life. This is IT, the One, the connection you've longed to feel and finally realize with this other person. This is the one you know you want to "forsake all others" for and commit to long term. The Lovers represents a major decision of the heart. In this position, though, it serves as advice. It's saying this is what would need to be done in order for this reconciliation to happen. You would need to ask yourself how deep are your feelings for this person? Are they truly the One you have sought and wanted? Is this the person to whom you could or would commit yourself to, sacrifice for, love forever? This is a big decision, and if you find yourself answering yes to those kinds of questions, then yes, reconciliation may be possible, at least on your end. This kind of commitment could help you work through the Three of Swords that oppose you to get past the pain. But if you're really not feeling like you can or want to give it your all, this reconciliation is probably not a good idea.

8. Something You May Not Know. Four of Pentacles. This card shows a figure clutching four pentacles and the body language indicates they are not entertaining anyone else's opinion about what they should do with those pentacles. This person is not engaging on any level with anyone and seems intent on holding on to those pentacles no matter what. This is the person who does not share well or at all. This card may be indicating a lack of willingness to be open or to share one's resources with another. In a relationship it can indicate a clingy, needy person who can be possessive and selfish. Is this about you or is this pointing to something you need to know about the ex? Maybe only the person this reading is for can answer that question. How willing are you really to share what you have with another? If you are willing, then maybe the other person isn't. This position highlights a potential place of difficulty should you decide to reconcile.

9. Probably Outcome or Resolution. Nine of Wands. This card features a man behind eight wands, holding a ninth wand away from his body. He's naked and vulnerable, but he's protected by the fence of eight wands before him. This is not someone ready to engage in the closeness and intimacy of a committed relationship, but rather someone who is still naked and vulnerable behind his walls. He's not prepared yet to engage in pursuit of his passions, the wand he holds as a reminder, but not as a tool or a weapon. My conclusion for this reading is that while the ex is eager to reconcile, the person for whom the reading was done is full of doubts and pain and feels too vulnerable yet to start things up again. They had reached a place of peace and comfort without the ex and has serious reservations about giving up their hard won independence and freedom. While the idea is inviting on some level, the main question needing to be asked is can you or do you want to commit to this person fully? This card seems to indicate you need more time to heal before you are ready to take this, or maybe any serious relationship on.

This reading, done in this way, allows the seeker to ask themselves pertinant questions they may not have been asking themselves or reflecting on deeply enough. Shifting the focus back on to what they want rather than what the wayward ex may want is tremendously helpful in that it grounds the person in their own feelings, needs, and desires. Only they can decide, ultimately, whether to pursue this reconciliation or not, but this type of reading gives them more to go on with which to make that decision.

And just so you know, because I know you were wondering, no, this was not an actual reading for anyone. I simply pulled the cards for the spread at random without thinking of anyone's situation in particular. But if the shoe fits anyone here, go ahead and wear it. You never know, synchronicity and all, if there was a greater purpose to your reading this right now.